The Reality of being treated for Breast Cancer - Part 2 - Steroids

As part of the cancer drug regime I have to take dexamethasone (steroids) these have a number of benefits - they can help if there is an allergic reaction to any of the other drug, some ant-sickness properties and also have anti inflammatory benefits. I spoke too soon and said to Rachel today that they don't seem to affect me, such as keeping me awake, hmmmmm. It's nearly 4am and no sign of going to the Land of Nod yet :-( and I have to be up again in 2 hours. Sigh. I guess no surprise after 32 tablets today!

But I did have REALLY good news at my clinic appointment today (after waiting an hour and a half past my appointment time - prolonging the agony!) That the MRI shows the cancer is responding to the chemotherapy and the main tumour and satellite ones are showing evidence of shrinkage. A result that is far more than I could have hoped or dreamed of! So I continue with the chemotherapy, probably for another 4 cycles, 6 in total but one step at a time.

Thanks so much for the support that still continues to flood in: messages, posts, cards, meals, lifts for me and the kids etc etc We couldn't do it without #TeamVicki

The Reality of being treated for Breast Cancer - Part 1 - Results Day

I have seen a few blogs and posts recently that make having treatment for cancer look like a walk in the park. As it's the second time I have been treated for cancer I can assure you it's far from it, so thought I'd share my experience on my Blog as I go into Round 3 of my chemotherapy treatment. It may help #TeamVicki understand what we're going through (I say we as it's not just me that's suffering but the whole family) and also help people understand what cancer treatment entails.

I have chosen to keep working during my treatment, sometimes that isn't easy, whilst dealing with side effects but it's a welcome distraction and I love my job. I only started my lectureship too when I was diagnosed and started treatment!

I had a specialist Breast MRI last week and have waited 7 days for it to be reported on and had an appointment in clinic with my Oncologist on Monday afternoon. This would determine whether chemotherapy I am having any effect on the cancer and whether we continue on that course of treatment. Nerve wracking times!

A frequently asked question - How did I know something was wrong?

I thought it was about time I posted about how I knew to go to the doctor and ultimately was diagnosed with aggressive Stage 3 invasive Ductal Carcinoma with metastases in the lymph nodes. 

People understandably ask me if I found a lump. It's best to start at the beginning. I found a lump or my left breast felt 'lumpy' way back in the early summer 2015. I was going on holiday to Spain and I made an appointment for when I was coming back (as I had that doubt 'oh maybe it's because of my period.') and whilst I was in Spain I shared my worries with my friend Rachel. I went to the doctors on my return, she could feel it too and referred me. When you are referred in Leeds you have to be seen at The Breast Unit at St James' Hospital within a fortnight and sure enough I quickly received an appointment. 

I was very worried and my friend Dawn insisted she went with me and it was fab to have some company as we were there all day. They explained that because I was over 40 they do a mammogram both sides and then an Ultrasound on the affected side. They were very reassuring and explained everything to me, particularly what ‘normal’ breast tissue looks like. I had the tests then was called in for more pictures of the right side. When I went in I questioned this but the radiographer was insistent it was the right side. It transpired the left was clear, that it was glandular tissue. They then did an ultrasound on both sides and found an area in the right side (what they had seen on the mammogram). They said they were confident it was a fibroadenoma.

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/information-support/have-i-got-breast-cancer/benign-breast-conditions/fibroadenoma

It was obviously a shock to go with a possible problem in the left side yet they found something in the right. I met a lovely consultant – Shireen Mackenzie – who was very knowledgeable and reassuring. She said despite them thinking it was benign, given my history and the misdiagnosis, they would go ahead and do a vacuum assisted biopsy to get a definitive answer. They did this they following week (MOST unpleasant :-/ https://www.hey.nhs.uk/patient-leaflet/vacuum-assisted-biopsy-vab/ ) Another few days and sure enough we returned and it was confirmed thankfully as benign. It was a really worrying few weeks and I was really scared.

The lumpiness never really went away in the left side and I returned to the GP that November and was again referred to The Breast Unit. As I’d had a mammogram only 4 months earlier I only had an Ultrasound. Again, I was told it was glandular tissue and the only thing on the Ultrasound was ‘thickening’ above the left nipple. So again, I went away reassured.

I am telling you this as it’s key to what happened in 2016. I don’t remember when I felt a lump in the left side again. I don’t think I could feel it when we were in Portugal in the Summer, but I can’t be sure. I think I first felt it in September, but obviously assumed it was ‘glandular tissue’ again, so I thought no more of it. As the months went on I did continue to feel it and I suppose it got bigger, so much so Sean could feel it when I pointed it out. It began to play on my mind a little and when I noticed a tiny stretch mark above the left nipple, there were none anywhere else, on either. It reminded me of breast awareness information that tells us to look out for skin changes. I thought I should get checked out again and tried for a GPs appointment and couldn’t get one that ‘fitted in’ with our hectic schedule but I still wasn’t really worried at this stage and to be honest I wasn’t at ANY stage. I made an assumption…wrongly…that it was nothing to worry about. When Sean agreed in December it felt quite ‘prominent’; he can never feel anything like that…lumps and bumps, babies kicking etc. so again it niggled at me. 

Also another myth to 'bust' is that my breast has been quite painful and I always assumed the comment that 'if it hurts it won't be anything bad or sinister' held true. Wrong. Malignant AND benign conditions can cause pain, mine did and still does, quite a lot. I'm sure I'm not the first and won't be the last to assume this based on misinformation. It helped me, along with a combination of events to make a wrong assumption and therefore reassure myself but ultimately put off getting checked. My cancer got bigger in the meantime and spread within the breast - a main tumour and 9 satellite smaller tumours or nodules, into my lymph nodes too. It has major implications for treatment - needing chemo, surgery and radiotherapy. No reconstruction possible at the time of mastectomy due to needing radiotherapy. Definitely a mastectomy not a lumpectomy due to the area involved. Hindsight is a great thing but I can't help kicking myself. Yes I know now and am getting something done but this will involve more treatment, a hugely prolonged timescale and inevitably more pain, suffering, psychological effects so DON'T PUT OFF GETTING CHECKED! 

On my Birthday, December 15^th, I met my lovely friend Rachel, who had been undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer, for a coffee. I ended up telling her about the lump and she was insistent I get it checked. I made an appointment when I left, for the following day with the GP. Rachel had told me she had gone to The Yorkshire Clinic to a One-Stop Clinic where you see a consultant, have a mammogram and ultrasound, any biopsies if required then get the results of the scans all on the same day.

As I am covered by Private Medical Insurance and it was so close to Christmas I thought I may get seen quicker via this route as it would be New Year for the Leeds Referral. I checked both the Clinic and the Insurance who said they would cover me and I could be seen on the 20^th. The GP again could also feel the lump but thought it may be a cyst and did the referral. I still wasn’t worried, not really. Unless I felt it when showering or dressing, I didn’t even think about it. I went to work on that Tuesday and was in a meeting until 1.15pm and dashed off to the hospital for 2pm, still not worried. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that I had Breast Cancer. I was just expecting them to say once again it was glandular tissue. How wrong was I?

Please get checked, always, no matter how many times and don't assume it's benign even if it was last time or the time before that or the ten times before that. This is the mistake I made.

The Only Way is Up

In the words of Yazz and the Plastic Population (yes it'll bring back memories for many of us 90s teenagers!) That is the mantra for this weekend. Sung many times whilst blasting out on 12" and LP, then CD and now of course via many other means not least YouTube https://youtu.be/hOMvs_1UFCk

Whilst I find writing this blog cathartic and it being a good way to keep everyone updated, it is also an opportunity to give people a true snapshot of what's it's really like to live with a cancer diagnosis and for this week the fall out from the treatment. Maybe it'll help others, as they'll know they're not alone in their feelings, experiences or needs.

Not only do we know that cancer will affect us differently as individuals but so will the drugs. Those to treat the cancer and those to try and counteract the effects aforementioned drugs....it's a minefield. So despite both having breast cancer and the same chemotherapy drugs, my Chemo Buddie Sally www.onelegoneboob.wordpress.com and I are suffering (and I have never used this word lightly or inappropriately but it is MOST apt now) the fall out now. Different parts of our bodies are being affected. She has a hideous sore throat. I don't. Despite me never wanting her to go through this EVER again I do feel it so helpful that she understands the score exactly. We can just 'be' with each other, whether it's good or bad. 

It's interesting, because despite both of us going through it before, you do forget. Not the sheer intensity of the experience, nor the feelings at the time of it being never-ending. But the specifics; for example; which day was the worst following chemo? The sheer amount of tablets to take day in day out and MUCH more. The memories had even faded as to how absolutely RUBBISH you end up feeling. I was swiftly reminded of this on Friday evening whilst sprawled on the bathroom floor not knowing whether to sit on the loo or stick my head down it. It all came flooding back. 

I know Sal won't mind me sharing this text I received from her yesterday "I'm absolutely shattered, still in PJs and cannot get off sofa. Throat is red raw hence the codeine. Achey bones. Brain fog. Had forgotten how awful this is"

Another legend who helped remind me yesterday of some specifics from 25 years ago was Ainsley. We have been friends for 37 years, since Primary School. Her and her 'Team' of Fiona, Rachel and Esther, quite simply I believe, kept me alive during my treatments in 1992 and 1993, whilst I was receiving them in Birmingham, where they were studying at University. 

I spent many days as an inpatient and there wasn't a day when one of them didn't come. Some days they came twice and Ainsley virtually never missed a day! She became an expert at sticking up the 10 000 cards that arrived (and moving them every weekend when they shut half the ward down!) not to mention fetching and disposing of grey bowls - sick ones and bed pans. Quite literally the nurses didn't have enough time to do this and there would have be MANY more spillages and accidents without #TeamVicki. They also became experts at programming the drips (well pushing numerous buttons until they stopped bleeping!). None of this is an exaggeration, all will and can confirm and those like Dad, who witnessed it too and also did the same. I'm convinced him and Mum couldn't have left me for a minute if it wasn't for #TeamVicki. Whereas it enabled them to go back to the Wirral at times to try and create some semblance of normality for my 15 year old brother in his GCSE years and to go to work and do ordinary things like sleep in their own beds and just buy and cook food. 

Ainsley was straight on the text yesterday morning reminding me (I know she won't mind me sharing) 

"Hey Vic, hang in there xxx Remember it being horrific a few days in but it does pass so hold onto that. Thinking of u lots xxx"

"Memories do fade, but you've always been stronger than u know. U kept yourself going & we just helped out - u can do this again. I always remember it being really hard on the 3rd day after any of ur chemo treatments so guess it's just part of the cycle. U were always much better the following day so today will hopefully be a bit easier. Hang in there, u can do this xxx"

I just remember the whole 6 months as a blur of constant vomiting, nausea and other symptoms. I wasn't alone then and I'm not now but the reminders do help. As a friend said yesterday when I was telling her about this exchange she said "We all need an Ainsley in our lives." We sure do!

One of the chemotherapy drugs Docetaxel is renowned for causing bone and joint pains. In order to try and stop your white blood cell count dropping too low post chemo you have 5 days of G-CSF injections to try and counteract this
http://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/treating/supportive-and-other-treatments/supportive-therapies/g-csf.html 
Thankfully another friend, Nicola, who is a nurse has been a star and coming Daily to do this. She has seen me from Day 1 quite chirpy having been to work, to being on the couch and today in bed. We will recognise this cycle next time I have no doubt. Having someone do these important tasks for you without fuss and doing so with good grace is absolutely invaluable. 

I haven't managed to get on top of the bone pain very well (stupidly trying to avoid the codeine for the first 2 days!) then being so sick I couldn't keep meds down. I won't make that mistake again! No medals for bravery in this situation!! 

Nor was the nausea and vomiting kept in check, as I didn't have what I needed at home. When a medic suggests going into hospital, as happened last year with my ankle, and it feels a relief, you know the time's right to do as you're told!

I was correct again and Hickman is proving my new best mate! Bloods from and fluids and drugs into him were easy. Had injections in both arms and oral drugs too. I'm thankful that we have the 24hr service where they'll throw everything they have at you to help get on top of things. Usual niggles with delays, paperwork, nothing gf in sight and pharmacy but my Sister in Law kept them in check and on track, tip top treatment yet again Chez Bexley. Shame it was 8 hours on a trolley but makes me appreciate my big comfy bed all the more :-) 

The fabulous meals, gifts, flowers, taxiing and sleep overs, ginger tea and various other supplies are still flooding in and we couldn't be more appreciative or grateful. It REALLY is making life easier and more manageable for all of us. 

After a shocking 48 hours I now feel better prepared to deal with the fall out from Cycle 2. It won't be easier, it may even be worse but forewarned is forearmed. I now have 3 different lots of anti sickness meds in my possession which I can space out through the day and night after I finish treatment next time. 

I have hit rock bottom and the only way from onwards from here is to begin the ascent. 

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Firsts....

Monday 23rd January was the first day of my lectureship in Physical Education and Sports Pedagogy at Leeds Beckett University.

Tuesday 24th January was the first day of my chemotherapy treatment for aggressive locally advanced triple negative breast cancer.

Sooooo you could say not only a week of firsts but pretty big ones! 

On Monday it was lovely to just be 'normal' to go to work and sort out timetables, chat to colleagues and do a research interview. It kept me busy with less time to think about what was to come. After work I collected all three children, took the boys to the barbers and had a regular hectic Gilbert evening! 

I have no idea really how you prepare yourself for chemo anyway? What was lovely was, on my return, to find a package from someone, ironically who has recently become a good friend....through breast cancer. Not mine, hers. 

Having previously been through chemo myself and experienced how hard it was I wanted to help. She called them Care Packages...on chemo days....food to feed the family, comfort food and treats and distractions like magazines or DVDs. I now find myself on the receiving end of the self same deliveries and it really does mean so much....I can't put it into words. 

But the package that this particular friend left was full of things I just hadn't known or thought about. A spray bottle to wet my hair before the cold cap, gentle conditioner and a comb. All these things listed here in fact 😀 (Can't figure out how to add pics yet oops!)

Chemo day dawned with the all too familiar recent lack of sleep. But we were up and at it; picking up from diving, dropping at Joe at before-school care, Hope at school and Jack at a friend's...all by 8.30am Then my Bestie, Lorna, arrived, as she had done 25 years earlier, to support me through another hideous diagnosis and treatment for cancer.  I don't really think either of us can believe that this is really happening. 

She duly drove me to hospital, taken aback by the awful Leeds traffic! 

I can't explain how wonderful the staff are at St James' Hospital. Nothing is too much trouble, they never rush you and are always kind and caring. A REAL refreshing change in the current climate where staff and services are completely overstretched and literally there are no empty beds to be found! 

We experienced this when I was having urgent surgery on January 6th. On arrival at 7am on the ward we were told my consultant's list had been cancelled but she had fought to get two of us back on. Another consultant's list had been completely cancelled and patients were sent home one by one. Not because there was no theatre space or surgeons, just no beds. 

And I wasn't disappointed on Tuesday. Firstly I was lucky enough to see some friendly faces straight away. One of the Mum's from the Coeliac Group I help run is a nurse on Ward 80 and was the first welcoming face to greet us. She had amazingly arranged for me and my chemo buddy Sally to sit side by side. Sally's husband Pete kept us amused disappearing to cock up his shopping visits! Nappy sacks instead of wipes and salads and no forks!! 

Seriously though, it made the whole thing less scary. More calm, lovely nurses attended to us and offered tea and sandwiches (sadly not gluten free! Not had much success on that front so far!) 

Whoever said to me the Hickman Line I'd had inserted last week would become 'my new best friend' couldn't have been closer to the truth. No needles pour moi! Psychologically that made a difference. The Cold Cap was exactly that, freezing in fact, -5 degrees. And quite frankly almost unbearable at first. The strap was so tight, the 'brain freeze' agonising. It started a pounding headache and even stopped me talking for a good while!! It has been found to work for about 50% of users to retain about 50% of their hair. I have decided to see how much I lose before my next round as to whether I'll subject myself to that torture again! It really is the least of my worries in the whole scheme of things. 

I didn't feel anything with all the drugs going in and was glad to get the cap off (only when it had been disconnected a good while were they able to remove it, when the ice that had formed had melted!) I was glad of my new cotton beanie to help warm my head up afterwards! 

I was of course lulled into a false sense of security that I merely felt 'ropey' on the day after. I actually managed to go to a 3 hour meeting at work. Which was great, again, not thinking of cancer just research and future plans and see colleagues. 

Dealing last night and today with the familiar symptoms has been tough. Overwhelming nausea, diarrhoea and excruciating joint pains (especially in the joints that I've had problems with in recent years - hip, ankle and elbow) is not pleasant. The only hope and way to bear it is the hope then that it's doing it's job, destroying those bad cells that will see me lose my left breast, maybe all the lymph nodes under my left arm BUT I hope enable me to live to see my children grow up. Which right now, in my darker moments, is my biggest fear. This is the reality of cancer. 

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Welcome to the reality of 2017

Well for once (I know you won't believe it ;-) I really am lost for words and don't quite know where to start.

These are the words that I have heard numerous times in recent days and weeks. That is since our world as we knew it began to fall apart just before Christmas. Words which I never thought we'd have to use as part of our everyday vocabulary have sadly once again become standard and will be for the foreseeable. Words such as Hickman line and neutrophils to Oncology and lymph nodes.

We were given a very unexpected Christmas present 5 days before the guy in the big red suit was due to put in an appearance. We were told in no uncertain terms that it was highly likely I have breast cancer and would need radical treatment to try and rid me of it. We then had an agonising 2 week wait until the New Year until they could give us 'the formal diagnosis'. Limbo land hell, sleepless nights and disbelief don't quite cut it.

We gradually told family and close friends and the children. I can't even bring myself to put into words at the moment how difficult that was. Sadly cancer isn't a stranger to our family, having lost my Godfather to secondary kidney cancer a few years ago and Mother in Law to the most agonising death from vulval cancer more recently, none of us, the children included, were ready (is one ever?) to enter this world of uncertainty again.

Since then we have gradually told more friends and family, colleagues, school mums and dads, teachers. On the whole we have received nothing but support, offers of help in so many different ways (we have accepted as many as possible with open arms and gratitude). Colleagues especially, couldn't be more accommodating, which really does make a HUGE difference!

So as I embark on a monumental week; firstly starting my role as a full-time lecturer in Physical Education and Sport Pedagogy at Leeds Beckett University and the following day my IV chemotherapy to try and rid myself of this dreadful disease, I have not got much head space for a great deal else as you may imagine!

Although, I will mention my friend Sally's blog; through another bizarre twist of fate, I will be seeing far more of her than either of us had planned. She has written a recent post about me here https://onelegoneboob.wordpress.com/

In posts over the coming weeks I'll upload the thoughts and experiences I've recorded over these last 5 bizarre weeks, as well no doubt, as the experiences as I face what is to come.

Wear and Tear....

Thinking about it logically it's bound to happen. Nearly 20 years of living with an above knee amputation is going to start taking it's toll. Not only on my remaining leg but on my whole body. And if I'm honest it does worry me for the future, as I may (hopefully!) have the same amount of time on this planet as I've had so far and I need this body to last!!

You may think what I write next is obvious and inevitable but during all these years I've gradually got more and more used to living life as a disabled person. Although my impairment is not a progressive condition, life can be unpredictable, yet many don't seem to realise that. I still find it astounding that many people still have the simplistic view that you lose a leg and get a false one and then 'get on'. 

Sadly it's not quite so easy as that. Some days you don the prosthesis and it just 'doesn't feel right' so you do it again.....and again. Sometimes into double figures. Other days it's straight on and you're away. The repeated application is not good if you're in a hurry! And often there just seems no explanation, no rhyme nor reason. Then come the times when there is an issue with the prosthesis itself, which needs fixing, not so easy to get an appointment, organise childcare and travel to the limb fitting centre. Or you can't even wear the leg because you have a blister/sore on your residual limb. Frustratingly even the tiniest lesion can be made worse by wearing the prosthesis so it often needs to be left off for at least 2 days, sometimes up to 5. This situation always reminds me of how hard it is. And it's safe to say it's a 'bad leg day'.

Suddenly you go from being able to do virtually everything, to being very reliant on others and feeling extremely restricted. BUT I have, over time, got used to this and I say and mean 'it's just the way it is'. You just gradually realise that things don't necessarily get better the more 'experienced' you get, or the more advancements there are in prosthetics. It's just life as an amputee. It still does feel frustrating and annoying each time it happens but I think that it's my reality that, from time to time, things become extremely difficult but then do get better again, you learn to live with it.

This time though it's not the amputated side causing the issues but the sound side. Not so sound......

I have lived with a torn cartilige in my hip socket in my remaining leg for several years now. The only way to solve it is to have a hip arthroscopy and repair or resect the area. This is easier said than done and there is no guarantee it would work and there's even a small possibility it could be worse. Then comes the difficulty of actually performing the surgery as this involves traction of both legs. It wasn't until I had been up and down the country and ended up back in Harrogate that I found a orthopaedic surgeon, Jon Conroy (www.jonconroy.com), who was positive, also willing to explore the best possibilities for not only performing the surgery but 'managing' symptoms and not rushing to put me under the knife. A HUGE relief! As the rehab following the surgery would be 6 weeks partial weight bearing on the other leg, in my case, the prosthesis, which is of course easier said than done. 

We decided to try a steroid injection, which obviously wouldn't cure the problem but may relieve the pain....worth a try. The first injection last December was a resounding success, eliminating the pain altogether from the time of the injection for a period of nearly 3 months. Of course all good things must come to an end, as they say. Unfortunately the next injection in April wasn't effective and doctors felt it was worth one more try. Thankfully the 3rd, in August, resulted in approximately 75% improvement in pain and discomfort. 

That all sounds relatively simple but it is uncomfortable having the injection, particularly due to the inflammation in the joint. It is done under x-ray, to ensure the needle is in the correct place. Not pleasant. I had a very bad experience having an injection shortly after giving birth to Joe, which was extremely painful and quite honestly put me off going back for nearly 3 years! I was literally ecstatic to find the Consultant Radiologist, Dr Dominic Baron, who did the recent injections was excellent in every respect, from doing the injection itself to his bedside manner. And was in essence just a very nice guy! This makes a massive difference to me, as I've had so many bad experiences over the years. Thankfully my consultant recognised this and I was able to have the same doctor injecting each time.

With the issues connected to the hip pain being managed , frustratingly the pain I was experiencing in the rest of my leg has, over the past 12 months, become almost unbearable. I do not want to be constantly taking painkillers, but I was and also relying very heavily on the physiotherapy to get me through each week. My knee and ankle were frequently painful, often swollen and hot to the touch. My lower leg and shin have become very sore and sensitive, especially the shin bone. It came to a head when I broke down in tears at physio about a month ago (quickly rescued by the lovely Sharon with a cuppa!) They insisted I visit the orthopaedic consultant again and quickly. I expected to hear that the pain I was experiencing was referred pain from my hip. I was shocked when he told me he thought I had multiple issues, swelling and fluid on my ankle, knee pain and possibly shin splints or even a stress fracture of the tibia :-/ Next on the cards was a VERY long MRI scan. 

While all these investigations were being carried out I have received amazing support from the team of physiotherapists at Physiocure in Cookridge (www.physiocure.org.uk) Anna Nelson, one of the partners became a very good friend a LONG time ago! They have been ultrasounding and massaging my leg as well as sticking needles in here, there and everywhere to try and manage the issues! I hope that, with their guidance, together with Pilates from the lovely Julie at Physiocure, hip hydrotherapy with Eliza and rest (those of you who know me well know I don't do rest too well!) the pain will improve. 

So back to the original title....wear and tear. I know that many of the issues I am facing are due to overuse. Who knows maybe excessive use by me as I am not one to sit around. I am always busy...maybe too bus..... but hey we only get one life! Although I realise the grim reality is I only have one leg! And it's got to last! It doesn't help that I frequently fall too, for a variety of reasons. This week by stepping on the lace of my other shoe! I would say on average once a week. Jon Conroy referred me to another specialist, Mark Farndon (www.yorkshireorthopaedics.co.uk/our.surgeons.php?s=3 ) who specialises in foot, ankle and knee problems. 

What's impressed me is that all the specialists I have seen recently have been sensitive to what I have  been through in the past, particularly the unnecessary treatment I have undergone as a result of the misdiagnosis. They realise that the last thing I want is more surgery, unless it is absolutely unavoidable. They aren't so quick to slice and dice, unlike I have experienced before. They see the bigger picture....that I have children, jobs and can't non or partial weight bear on the 'other' side after surgery. They want whatever the course of action they decide upon to be the right one, believe me it's not always the case! I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. 

When I was sat waiting to get the MRI results this week I was finding it hard to get 'worst case scenario' out of my head and wondering how on earth I would manage with a cast....even a removable one! I was so relieved to hear the good news that there was no stress fracture, minimal changes to the knee and no arthritis in knee or ankle (I also know there is none in my hip either :) Woo hoo!

The specialists agree that most of my pain stems from my ankle. Lax lateral ligaments, which is causing swelling, fluid collection and pain (a lot of...!) In reality the only way to solve it is surgery to tighten them. Once again this causes issues. So in order to try and 'test' whether this will be the right route to go down (it is a very successful operation which is also a positive) the next step is having the physios strap my ankle (as if it was sprained) in order to try and reduce the symptoms. This will hopefully recreate the stabilisation (similar to the surgery but with restricted movement) for about 6 weeks, then we can decide on whether to go ahead. He was in touch with my physio the same day as the consultation to explain what was required. 

You will see the lovely Eliza showing Sean how to do it! 

I also, inevitably, have had issues from using crutches for nearly 20 years! Physio helps but......I ended up with tennis elbow. So I was referred to another fab specialist, Charlie Talbot, who did a controversial procedure on me called PRP - Placelet-Rich Plasma therapy (you may have heard more about it relating to a controversial new facial called the vampire facial) it's been around since the 70s and Thankfully for me, despite the pain, swelling and bruising of the first few days, it's been successful!

I feel sooooooooo thankful to now have an excellent 'team' of people now working together to keep me in one piece and as pain free as possible. It also helps that they are some of the nicest, kindest people you could ever meet! Even, would you believe? Restoring my faith in the medical profession! I have the lovely Julie and Rob keeping me training in an appropriate way, so as not to exacerbate the situation. I'm doing Pilates and PT with lots of seated and bench exercises as well as swimming for CV work (no tumble turning allowed though ;-) 

I am sharing their details in this post as it gives me an opportunity to thank and recommend them as I quite honestly would be a rocking, shaking wreck in the corner if it wasn't for them working together to keep me physically and mentally sane!

Believe me, I find it hard sometimes. Especially when I find it difficult to put one foot in front of the other without experiencing pain. It's hard not to feel angry that NONE of this was necessary. Absolutely all of this wouldn't have happened if one person, a Histopathologist, hadn't made a mistake. If she hadn't wrongly interpreted the slides because she wouldn't admit she couldn't see the slides properly because the MS was affecting her eyesight. But do you know what, I can't change the past. I can't change what happened so I have to just keep on keeping on, because I am still here and enjoying the good times. Live life to the full!!!