Battling with myself....

You may say I'm pretty content with my lot, used to the way things are for me physically and I manage. I get on with it. I won't pretend things aren't hard because sometimes they are. Whether it's wincing putting my foot to the floor as it's so sore and I need the 'big guns' in terms of dressings, barrier cream etc or I lose one of my hearing aids and not only am I without it but have to claim two and a half grand on the insurance to replace it (you may ask why I have to pay privately? Well it's because the NHS who caused my deafness through their misdiagnosis and unnecessary treatment won't pay for them for me!) or having such excruciating phantom pain whilst driving I think I will crash, so pull over. But I am used to it and it's doesn't eat away at me. Once these things have passed I forget about them until the next time.

But will I EVER get used to the comments? 

People always manage to catch me off guard and often I am left stood there not having a clue what to say, with my jaw hanging open. Then afterwards I spend ages analysing what I COULD or should have said, and kicking myself for not doing so. Why can't I sometimes just let it go? Surely the person 'means well' and 'didn't realise what s/he was saying' or 'would be mortified if they knew they'd caused upset' and 'didn't mean anything by it'. Right? Well, yeah, sure but it's not what they meant or didn't mean but the EFFECT it has on the person at the receiving end ie me.

I'm 100% sure the cleaner at the gym the other night when I was getting changed had no intention of upsetting me or making me feel (more) self conscious (than I already do) BUT that's the effect that it had on me. It taps into my own insecurities and worries, that are natural to have given the circumstances. When she asked me 'how long I'd been like that' and 'don't the children mind?' yes I have every right to get a little defensive or cross but then what happens if I do? People then think I have a chip on my shoulder or I'm rude or can't handle it myself. Lose lose situation.

So no the answer is....No, I will NEVER get used to the comments. All I want people to do is think before saying things and if unsure don't say them. It's not about being politically correct or silencing people for fear reactions, it's about respect and sensitivity in my opinion.

Vicki's Triple Challenge

Oh dear it's been AGES again since my last post! As usual life and circumstances have taken over. There never seems to be enough hours in the day, but I guess with a business and home to run, three active children to ferry about and a real change of circumstance for us, with Sean based a long way from home with work and with frequent business trips away, it's not surprising! 

Even more so than all of that has tragically been Sean's Mum's diagnosis of terminal cancer last summer. Devastatingly for our family despite bravely fighting and being determined to beat it, the chemotherapy made her so poorly she was unable to continue with it and was cared for by the amazing Marie Curie Nurses and Doctors at The Bradford Hospice during her last months and weeks. She lost her fight on December 12th 2013 and we buried her two days before Christmas. Not before giving her 'Christmas Day' with all the trimmings. ALL provided by the Hospice. She loved every minute of it, especially having all her family with her and watching her 7 grandchildren dancing and playing under a beautiful Christmas tree. In the hospice's conservatory where she passed away just 4 days later. 

They really are special people who work there and seem to know exactly what to do and say when you feel there are just no words. They make the unbearable bearable.

Because of this I have decided on more crazy challenges this summer! Other family members are also fundraising, including my sister in law who is organising everything from a fashion show to a trek in the Himalayas. She has calculated that Maggie's care cost over £16,000. They need to raise £93 million every year.

Only 7 months ago my friend's husband, Andy, was diagnosed with incurable Motor Neurone Disease. It's a devastating disease and progresses very quickly. Not so commonly known is that Marie Curie also provide support and end of life care for people with terminal illnesses other than cancer, like those in Andy's position.

I dedicate this song to Maggie, Andy and our families. www.m.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLSk3AVcUU Also to my good friend Dawn who is fighting a hard battle right now. When I was running today and just thought I couldn't continue I played it full blast on my ipod and thought of these inspirational people who would give anything to be doing just that right now.

Wish me luck and please sponsor me here www.givey.com/gilbertvicki if you can (I also have a sponsor form) No problems if not and thanks for reading

Vicki x