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I am 45 years old, Married to Sean for nearly 20 years and have 3 lovely children Hope is 16, Jack is 12 and Joe is 6.

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Chemo Round 4

As you will have noticed I haven't posted for a few days. 

It's been a tough week. A REALLY tough week. I think that being in hospital for a lot of the time between Rounds 3 and 4 of chemotherapy has had a lot to do with it. Always before I've had the chance to regroup, to recharge my batteries and bolster my thoughts ready to face the next onslaught. I literally had 'day release' this time around. What a lovely day it was! Sunshine, Mothers Day, fresh air and dinner out. Wonderful but not enough. 

I was so relieved that they didn't delay the chemo and I could proceed on schedule. Tuesday morning, chemo day, dawned and it was so hard to remain positive and cheerful. I had to drive the kids to school and be jolly and encouraging and drop Hope off knowing I wouldn't see her until Friday. So yes, when the brave face mask slipped I sobbed, and sobbed hard. I dreaded returning for the chemo, knowing yet again how ill it makes me and the pain causes. The rational mind knows it's 'one step closer to better health', 'one more under my belt' and all the other good reasons to go and be subjected to this medieval, brutal torture but the inner child wants to run in the other direction, fast.

I also knew I had to have the chemo through a cannula in my hand as I had my chest line removed due to infection. Thankfully as you can see that's healing well.

Despite the years that have passed my veins do not like needles. After just 10 days of not having the Hickman my arms are like pin cushions, bruised and swollen. I am thankful for having the line to get me through the first 3 cycles and to have avoided these problems thus far. 

You are advised to take paracetamol and ibuprofen before wearing the Cold Cap which has always helped. This time however I already had a banging headache and the meds didn't help. 

I decided it was a battle I didn't need to face on Tuesday, I had too many others and they were making my strength wane. Thankfully I had my long time chemo companion Ainsley (aka Legend) to bounce this idea off. Good decision.

Unfortunately some of the chemotherapy drugs leaked out into the tissue around the cannula in my hand The way to treat this leak is to inject around the whole area with the antidote dexrazoxane. As you may imagine this needs to be done quickly with no local anaesthetic and is incredibly painful especially as there is no flesh on the back of your hand.

I can usually grit my teeth and bite my lip and not cry out. Not on this occasion. I was barely aware of being in a bay with 5 others receiving chemo as it just felt like the pain from one injection to the next rolled together. The nurses couldn't have been kinder or more apologetic. They told me it's the worst thing they have to do to patients and they feel like they are literally torturing people. Ainsley tells me my lovely, lovely friend and chemo buddy Sally was shouting encouragement through the curtain. She experienced this once too when she had chemo 12 years ago for osteosarcoma in her leg. An experience no one EVER forgets or wants to repeat.

Hindsight is a great thing but I am glad I didn't use the cold cap as I would have had to go through this experience with it on. Even if they switched it off immediately it takes 20-30 minutes for the ice to melt so you can remove it.

My hand is much better and healing but I've been told it'll be sore for a while. Due to the quick actions of the medical staff I won't have to severe tissue damage, face plastic surgery or worst case scenario amputation. How can your veins and blood stream cope with this poison when your tissue would be so damaged?? Mind blowing.

I have also been told they can't attempt the chemo in my hand again. Next week we'll discuss the insertion on a PICC line 

This will hopefully get me through the last two rounds without too much drama! I will await to hear if they need to check if the superbug I contracted when I had the Hickman Line has been cleared by the antibiotics. 

I have suffered quickly this time from the usual chemo side effects - sore mouth, with ulcers, skin peeling off and altered taste. Bad reflux and nausea. One of the side effects of one of the chemotherapy drug I have docetaxel is bone and joint pain. The use of GCSF injections for 5 days post chemo to try and prevent the blood counts dropping, avoid neutropenia  and help the body still fight infection is routine after some types of chemo including mine But it can also cause bone pain in the areas where there is a larger surface area e.g. The long bones, pelvis, back. So as the medics describe it 'a double whammy'. 

Days 4 and 5 towards the end of the injections are always the worst for this but I try and remember that they are doing their job and manage to sustain my counts in between rounds. The pain breaks through the usual paracetamol, codeine and ibuprofen that I take regularly and preventatively. Morphine is usually the only effective way to tackle it. This time I have been given it orally to have at home. Fingers crossed it will keep me out of hospital this round! 

#TeamVicki have been on hand again in abundance with everything from meals to flowers and more, our gratitude is beyond measure. 

I am now on the countdown to Day 8 which is usually the turning point for me. I sincerely hope for some 'good days' in between rounds this time, especially with Easter coming up and some nice activities planned. I look forward to being back at work and immersing myself in module reviews, tutorials and placements visits. One of latest gifts will be worn with pride ha!

My hair will now all come out but that is the least of my worries right now and I have 'Shine Caramel Glow' waiting in the wings and a zillion hats! Retaining my anonymity early in treatment was important but everyone now knows including my students and I will steel myself to face the stares and questions from strangers.


1 comment:

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